Equally Ever After — Finding a Partner with a Twist
Every second person I meet or know is running behind money, fame, and popularity. Barring NGOs, or very few people, have you found even one person trying to mend his/her way, make changes to the way he/she thinks to achieve happiness, and contentment, and help others make their lives happier? I’m perfect, no improvement required?
It’s only about “I/Me/Myself”. The other day a very educated learned guy confessed that he doesn’t want to marry because of the complexities involved; however, he still considers marriage because he worries who will take care of him in his old age. Now, there’s another scenario where people are divorcing left, right, and center because they’re unhappy with their partners. I discussed this with my parents and other elders at home, and they said:
Despite being educated, women during their times were not opinionated and had to be more like a slave. Don’t argue, don’t ask to live life the way you want to. They had to be at the beck and call of the male members.
The concept of “marriage equality” didn’t apply then, and unfortunately, it still doesn’t apply now. The husband has all the right to go out without telling the wife where he goes and for how long he wouldn’t be at home, who he meets with, what he does in the office, and who his friends are.
The paradox lies in having the freedom to use the internet for personal interests while restricting your spouse’s access. Yet, the tables turn when the owner of the Wi-Fi connection, typically the husband, later investigates their wife’s browsing history. While the husband has access to this information, the wife does not. That’s the twist in this scenario.
A wife does not have all the right to not show any interest in anything. Along with her office duties, kitchen, in-laws, and children, their studies, exam preparation, and extracurricular activities at school, whereas husbands have office-related duties, and when they return home, they say they’re tired and nobody should disturb them.
What I’ve noticed in the office is they work less, take tea, coffee, cigarette breaks, and chit-chat breaks with colleagues. That’s life for her even now despite being educated, and earning, but she doesn’t have the right over her own hard-earned money. She has to tell her husband where, how, and when she should spend her money, all about her friends, etc. She should, without fail, contribute towards running the house.
Even in this age, where girls study and study well, earn, talk about freedom in hush tones, imagine living the life that some Hindi movies portray, can think of night-outs with female friends, dress in apparel that they think would look good on them, wear makeup is a big deal. Girls/women do not have control over their bodies.
How have we achieved freedom when girls/women don’t have the freedom to take control of their lives?
With all said above, marriage remains a question because if the majority of them have to get into marriages where 80% is what a wife “has to listen to” and husbands have all the right to do what they want, marriages won’t last.
Even now despite earning well, achieving success, and holding good designations, a woman has to maneuver in marriage and succumb to nonsense and brush things under the carpet still trying to keep herself happy then what’s the guarantee that marriages would be successful in the future and guys would want a wife only out of fear that what would happen when he grows old.
· Girls/women, take note of this well that 99.9% do not like opinionated female partners.
- They want you to apologize even if you’re correct.
- You should be okay with your husband or boyfriend not giving you enough time.
- You should not talk about anything other than whatever he wants to listen to.
- He should have the upper hand in everything.
- You should never compromise on whatever he asks for.
- You should never make him feel guilty.
- You should never bring his shortcomings to the fore.
- Never try to correct him even if it can make his life happier.
- You should not have any quality that could remotely be considered feminist.
It’s perfectly fine that your male partner isn’t working. It’s the time in his life when things might not be favorable because of his mental health issues, some situations at home where he can’t reserve time for employment, he isn’t getting the type of job he has in his mind, or he is undergoing some health issues, or he is helping somebody cope with some issues — it could be anything. Make sure to not end up marrying a person who says: ‘It’s not my problem, find solutions on your own. Don’t talk about your problems to me.’
However, in friendships or relationships, we’re supposed to be partners, supporting each other through challenges.
Support him and marry him. An employed guy does not guarantee a good life. A guy with the correct value system and respect towards women would keep you happy in your marriage or relationship.
With all those resorting to different avenues in search of a bride or a groom, picture your marriage or relationship as how you want it to make you feel and not how it should look. Don’t look for status and designations; instead, look for hobbies and observe behavior around different people: family members, children, strangers, friends, and acquaintances, patterns of his/her life, temperament, including what makes them happy and how long, and how they react in sad situations.
Gauging their life as an individual and not considering his/her achievements, success, and popularity could help you find the right guy/girl and maybe help you find your ideal partner. Adding a “husband” or “wife” name to a marriage or relationship somehow tends to make you think in stereotypical ways and forces you to behave in the ways you see other husbands and wives behave.
Good luck!
